Designated Death: Rubbed Out- Ch. 2

Chapter 2: Pwnage

A flash of light filled the screen in front of Leo Madison. He rapidly clicked his mouse as the elf mage on the monitor eviscerated a monstrous foe.

“Yeah man.” he spoke into his headset. “I got a dinner invitation from that local writer chick who’s on TV a lot.”

“For real?” replied a voice through his headphones. “You sure it’s not a mistake or something? I mean what did- watch out for the undead spawn- I mean what did you do to get invited?”

“Nothing! But I’m gonna check it out. She’s rich so there’s gotta be something good in it for me.”

“Damn. You’re definitely hooked up. Oh! Speaking of getting hooked up… hook me up with our next target.”

Malls: A Zoo for Humans

Attention Shoppers!

Have you ever been to the mall (If you haven’t, you’re either weird or live in a very small town) and people watched? If you haven’t, you should. Not only is it interesting to see the different ways people look and act, but it can also be very humorous. The variety of human beings in this place of gathering makes any sociology major drool. All different races, backgrounds, ages, sexual orientations, genders, and every combination in between can be found here.

While in groups of the same type, humor and stereotypical behaviors are common. However, when two types meet, calamity sometimes ensues.

Come one, come all to the human zoo!

Your zoo guide

“Posh” (stuckupius snobbis) AKA-Preps: This is one group at the top of the food chain. It’s a good thing too. With the amount of gossip, backstabbing, lying and cheating, they would never be able to survive if another species preyed on them. Often times, seen in polo shirts or Abercrombie & Fitch jeans, they will be seen walking together, pretending to be friends. Most of the time, the females will be on their cellular phones talking about who she hates and how that one girl is ugly and a home-wrecker. The males are usually bro-fisting with one hand while having their other arm around the waist of their female. Habitats: American Eagle, Abercrombie & Fitch, Hollister

“Geeks” (doofius zittius):This type of mall goer is somewhat rare due to the fact that they often do not leave their lair called “Mom’s Basement”. Although they are generally anti-social, they sometimes mass together for rituals called “LAN Parties”, and “Gaming Tournaments”. The males and females of the group usually do not intermingle due to the their awkward nature around the other sex (unless they are together at the before mentioned rituals). Both sexes often have facial scarring called “Acne” and wear T-shirts of their favorite heavy metal bands. Habitats: Game Stop

Motivation for Writers: Writing Communities

Keep on Truckin’…

An insightful cliché found on various car bumpers. This is a cliché that all of us writers – old or new – should take heed of. For newbies, the task of breaking into a seemingly impenetrable industry can seem daunting while those who have found a way in lose focus amidst the tedious writing process. No matter which you are, it comes down to lowering your head and plowing through.

For beginning writers (or those taking it to a more serious level) it can be hard to keep heart, even for the most thick-skinned and courageous. As every writer can testify, we are our own harshest critics. Not only do we hate our own work after reading it over, but we also compare it to published works, deeming our own manuscripts as rubbish. The good news is that we can find solace amongst our own. Finding a group of writers in your community or here online is the best way to make any fresh writer feel better about them self. As an unseasoned writer finds a new fellowship, they will realize that they aren’t the only ones who feel that their own work is trash. As a matter of fact, many times they find that they make the same mistakes as most other writers. Recently, I read Stephen King’s memoir on writing. In the book, he publishes his early drafts of books and I noticed that I have almost the same weaknesses that he has! So, in my mind I connect his writing to mine which brings it to a level even to my work! This is a real confidence booster!

News 10/15/10

Hey hey!

Just some quick updates!

-I just posted the first chapter of the exclusively online series of novels! The series is called Designated Death, while the first installment is called Rubbed Out. The chapters will usually be on the shorter end because I know a lot of you have things to do, but these first few posts will be short as they are character introductions. Hope you enjoy and let me know what you think!

-I changed the non-fiction section so that it actually has a name. It’s now called Our Satirical Lives. I had this idea a long time ago. It’s pretty much a collection of my articles which are all humorous.

-I just found out, that I won’t have an actual update on the short story that was submitted to Writer’s Digest until sometime in January. Anticipation… In the mean time, I’ll try to keep you entertained! By the end of sometime next month, the short story being written for Newgrounds will be available for all of you here! (You can, of course, go read it on newgrounds.com once it’s submitted.)

That’s it for now. Keep ya posted!

Josh

Designated Death: Rubbed Out – Ch. 1

Chapter 1: Fancy

Thomas ripped off the top of the beige envelope.

“Well don’t just stare at it, you jackass! Read it!” said Jane just loud enough to make his ears bleed. His wife was never a quiet person.

“I’m getting to it! Jesus! Just hold on to your grannie panties.” He examined the gold-embroidered letters on the front of the folded card that he pulled from the envelope.

“Looks fancy!” his wife said with awe while hovering over his shoulder.

He flipped open the small card and read the message inside,

“Dear Mr. and Mrs. Beaty,

You are cordially invited to dinner with Patricia Scott at 1 Haggerty Lane this Friday the twenty first at seven in the evening. Please be prompt and wear your Sunday best.

Sincerely,

P.S.”

He turned the card over to the back, revealing a simple gold insignia of the letters P and S.

Jane gasped and covered her mouth with both hands. “You mean the Patricia Scott? The author?” She squealed and almost jumped out of her flower-print moo moo.

Thomas scratched his grey-peppered beard, Why would that bitch invite me to dinner?

The Real Reality

The Real Reality

Since May of 2000, television was revolutionized. Season one of the hit reality show, “Survivor” swept the nation… and then every other ridiculous idea came after that. Well… not every idea was ridiculous. In this article, I will go over the reality shows that make people wish they were living that sort of life instead of their own. Also, the reality shows that still make people wish they were living a different life, but only because they realized they just wasted their lives watching a load of crap.

Let me tell you what my definition of a “Reality Show” is. A reality show is supposed to putnormal people in conflicting or challenging circumstances while the cameras catch all of the unscripted action. So, before you go off saying, “Hey, ya jerk! I like Flava Flav!”, think about it. Besides, it’s my article so screw you.

Top 5 Best:
5. Dancing with the Stars- First off, I’d like to say that when I said reality shows are about normal people, I meant it. The people on this show are B-list celebs at best, and most are making some sort of comeback from something in their life. That’s as normal as you can get, without them being a nobody. Again, see the last line of the above paragraph if you disagree.
The season that really made me push this into my top five, was the one that featured Steve-O from “Jackass”. It was very inspirational to see him turn his life around from using drugs and drinking, to doing something as artistic as dancing. It was a class upgrade X10. Plus, it was kind of funny seeing him waltz in a tux, rather than prance in his underwear while stapling his nut sack to his leg. This show is full of class and entertainment from watching them trip over themselves in practice to them tearing up the floorboards on stage. Good job, ABC, for putting this show together.

4. America’s Next Top Model- Normally, I would condemn any show about an industry  which supports eating disorders in young girls and women, but with host, Tyra Banks, the show not only supports beauty, but also finding the beauty in yourself. For instance, several plus size models have been very accepted on this show (It’s only fair since Tyra’s forehead is bigger than any of them). The show challenges all of the contestants positively. Ok, end of the cliché. Yes, this show is marketed more towards women, but guys… you and I both know we’ve sat down and watched the marathons of the previous season. It’s entertaining, sexy, and FIERCE! This show is chalked up to the lesser watched, CW (AKA The WB).

3. Amazing Race- This show is in my personal top five. Teams of partners pit against each other for a cash prize while completing challenges in a race around different parts of the globe. The even better thing about this show is that they are great at casting contestants. They make sure that the teams not only work well together, but also have some sort of conflict between them, making everything more entertaining. Watching a midget and her forbidden lover wade through mud pits in the Louisiana swamps, or an obnoxiously gay duo scream at the top of their lungs while zip lining over a canyon; it can’t get much better. Kudos to CBS for this one.

News 10/12/10

Whew! After tedious hours of shamelessly plugging myself on different networking sites, I think I’m finally finished! (At least until the next fad pops up.)

Other than that, I’ve been tweaking “Stories by Josh Musser” here and there. I’ve added a links page to the blog, because I feel like a blogroll on the sidebar seems a little disorganized. You can check out a bunch of links about me, writing, or general entertainment by clicking on “Links of Interest” on the left. Of course, I will keep you informed when I add new content and reference the ones I have in some posts. I still have a lot to learn about the technical side of blogging, but in the mean time I can at least entertain you with some literature, right?

Speaking of actually writing, I haven’t gotten a chance to work on the short story for Newgrounds.com the past couple of days, but I’m looking forward to getting back to it! Also on Newgrounds, they are looking for writer’s for an anthology that they plan to sell in their online store. I will be submitting a piece to them so let’s see what happens!

Keep an eye out for another article as well as some posts for writers!

Josh

A Monstrous Culture

A Monstrous Culture

Let me ask you a few questions. Do you wish you were fighting through hordes of zombies instead of shopping at the mall, even at the expense of your friends? Do you dream about banging a seductive vampire or “taming” that crazed werewolf rather than your significant other? While you’re at work, do you stare off into the distance while thinking about fighting dragons and the undead? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you’re part of the monster phenomenon taking place in today’s society. I’m going to be  comparing monsters, giving the pros and cons of the who‘s who (or what‘s what) in “monsterdom”, figuring out why they have become so popular, and in the end give you the number one monster of all time.

Vampires
Nothing compares to walking into a Borders bookstore on the eve of the “Breaking Dawn” release and hearing 1,000 preteen girls screaming at the top of their lungs. Once they got their evil little hands on a copy, all hell broke loose… and by hell, I mean weeping, fainting and fighting for position in line.
What exactly drives, not only these teeny boppers insane, but also half of the country to be attracted to these monsters? Back in the day, vampires were villains, not someone’s dream date. Eastern Europeans were terrified of being stolen from their homes and having the blood slowly sucked out of them. Now, in modern times, a vampire is a glorified Goth kid that has a taste for iron (Understandably so… they always look anemic). Alas, our misguided society has it in our heads that vampires are sexy, cool and badass, thanks to the likes of people such as Stephanie Meyer and Charlaine Harris. In that world, they even glitter. Truthfully, vampires are still one of the weaker monsters and to top it off, they aren’t even scary any more.

Werewolves
Although werewolves have been around for centuries, they have just begun clawing their way back into popular culture. Recently, a remake of “The Wolfman”, starring Anthony Hopkins, has hit theatres. Although they have marketed this movie out the ass, the movie has not been a huge success. However, other appearances by werewolves in pop culture have helped out this monster. The “Underworld” movies, which are about a centuries-old battle between werewolves (Lycans) and vampires, have created a cult following. As a result, werewolf hype has gotten a recharge. Again, people seem to be attracted to these beasts and my guess as to why is due to the animal ferocity that men and women fantasize about (Don’t lie. I know how you people think). In my personal opinion, other than the obvious Freudian connections, werewolves are making a comeback because they are badass. The surprising thing is that as tough as they are, they are still struggling to stay in the pop culture spotlight. Maybe people want something that they can relate to… like your fat uncle who forgot to shave his back?

News 10/11/10

Hey everyone! In between writing, I will be updating you all with news posts. Each news post will be titled with “News” followed by the date it was posted. To find other news posts or previous writing, just browse using the drop down menu labeled “Stories” tot he right.

• Stories by Josh Musser launched!

October 11th at 1:30 in the morning. Woo! Hopefully you all will enjoy what I have to offer. I know I can’t wait to share my journey with all of you! Let’s see what this first month brings!

• Short Story “Extra” is submitted to Writer’s Digest

I would post a very short excerpt for you all, but I’m not allowed until I find out if they will publish it or not. However, I can tell you it’s a slightly creepy short short story (under 750 words. Publication limit.) and it’s just in time for October and Halloween! I will be sure to keep you all updated on the status!

• Entered a short story contest on Newgrounds

Newgrounds.com isn’t a literary site. But they do hold monthly and holiday writing contests for cash! This is my first time entering one of their contests. I’m writing up a short story called “Masks” using a Halloween or horror theme. I’m still currently writing and then I must go through the task of editing, but once that’s done I will post it for your enjoyment!

• Work begun on new zombie series

That’s right zombie aficionados! This is my first real attempt at writing a zombie novel. At the moment, the working title for the series is “The Survivor Chronicles” and the title for book one is “Plague”. The basic idea for the series is to follow the lives of several groups of characters from the beginning of the infection and continuing through the undead apocalypse. The paths of different characters will cross within the novels, creating a twisted and thick plot. Let me know what you think! I will keep you updated on the progress.

That’s it for now!

Josh